cutest helpers ever

It has been all-hands-on-deck around here lately. Here are some shots of the kids and Chris tackling the big kitchen paint job.

Sydney

Matthew 

Chris

melting down

I've wondered if all my recent change the world kind of talk sounds annoying and unrealistic. Am I painting a picture of this being a piece of cake that's not accurate...I thought writing about today's meltdown might make sure I'm showing the whole the reality of how I'm managing.

Picture it. It's early morning and I've just spent the past half hour trying to drink a cup of hot tea without wearing it. Bella, our 6 month old Golden Retriever, has more energy at 6am than my nerves can handle. She's determined to get on my lap, and help drink my tea, whether I like it or not. Follow this with her attempting to drag me across the icy backyard to bark at her nemesis Oliver (the neighbour's Labradoodle, who by the way isn't even outside) and my blood pressure is getting up there.

Yes, I know I need to use my calm, assertive energy with her at this point. I have all the Cesar Millan books and most of the time I do well channelling the Dog Whisperer. I even attempted watching recorded episodes in the morning to practice staying calm with Bella. Guess how that worked out? Bella likes to watch with me (very cute) and then bark at Caesar and his dogs (not even a little cute).

However...knowing what you should be doing and actually having the patience to do it are sometimes two different things, especially when someone won't let you drink your damned tea. What should come out as a firm "tssst" sound to correct Bella actually comes out sounding more like a snarled "ssssssstop itttttt!" followed by a rather childish "ugggghhh, Bella!" Anyone who has tried to handle a puppy's energy not matching your own should know what I'm talking about here.

Add to this a ringing phone, a kid who keeps telling you she doesn't want to go to school but you know really should, lunches to make when you forgot to get groceries (again), the moody cat sitting by her empty bowl glaring at you, dishes in the sink that still haven't washed themselves and by the way, a realtor coming over in a few hours to talk about the house that's not ready.

And that's when I lost it. As in head-spinning, ears-ringing, get-me-outta here kinda lost it. Those around me could sense the shift in atmosphere and took cover. I had the kids dropped off at school, puppy in the crate and cat in hiding within minutes. 

Then I did what any good overwhelmed mother does. I grabbed a piece of chocolate and locked myself in the bathroom. No one can find me there, right? I found a quiet place to catch my breath and re-group. When I finally emerged, slightly calmer but still frazzled, Chris (my hubby) smiled sweetly (and also fearfully) and said "Hun, remember you started a blog....the whole fresh start thing...new approach to life and all that?" Damnit. I hate it when he's right.

So it's been a few hours since then and I've remembered that whole blog thing. The realtor came and went, and you know what? I survived. Yes, he did comment "wow, you still have a lot of work to do, eh?" several times, but ok. So does my father-in-law. And as Chris said, we'll just prove 'em wrong.

Closer to the For Sale sign

Today has been another exhausting but productive day tackling the list of projects to finish. Many more bags and boxes made their way to the local Goodwill store. There was a new sense of urgency today because tomorrow afternoon our realtor is coming by to talk about selling the house.

It's one thing to know you're selling your house sometime in the near future. It's another to realize you're actually about to have strangers walking through your house, even the rooms you use to hide your mess. Everyone has that room you don't want anyone to go in. The place where your old exercise equipment and boxes of clutter go to die.

Here's the thing...When you're in the process of downsizing and selling your house, you're forced to take a look at your house and your stuff with a different perspective. You have to see things how a potential buyer would, because we all stop noticing things after we've looked at them for a while. I found myself asking questions today like "How long has this been here?" and my favourite, "Why the hell didn't we do this sooner?".

Letting go of things hasn't been easy to say the least. Feeling how different and good a space feels when it's free of clutter has made it easier it though. Because as I told my son today, if something doesn't have a purpose or make you feel something when you look at it, why hold on to it?

Speaking of "why didn't we do this sooner?" here are some "before" shots of our kitchen. I have despised the wood cupboards and pepto bismol paint colour (not to mention the grapes border just removed) since we moved in 5 years ago. The transformation is almost complete and I'm thrilled with the results. Stay tuned for the awesome "after" shots.

Before the painting and new light fixtures.

Cupboards before their makeover. Won't miss them for a second.

Chris and his dad worked so hard on the new laminate.

New Year, New Beginnings

Six weeks ago the new year started and it kick started a lot of big changes. Weight loss and exercise that I took seriously this time. Downsizing our home and our stuff. Re-focusing priorities. Organizing what matters. Getting my strength back. This is not your cliche resolution made on a whim. This is a complete look at my life and anything that is bringing me down. Around here we're calling it our Fresh Start Project. It's anything but easy to take your life and shake it upside down, but so far, it's oh so worth it.

I've started and stopped blogging several times over the past couple of years. I never stuck with it but couldn't figure out why. What I've realized is that I hesitated because I didn't believe that I had something others needed to read about. I didn't want to write during the difficult times in my life because I didn't think the world needed another blog complaining about life. What's different now? My perspective. I've put one foot in front of the other to change what's not working instead of waiting for the change to come to me.

I recently heard Oprah ask someone what the world needs to know about them. She asked what their purpose was. It made me think long and hard about how I would answer that question.

What I'd tell her is that I've learned the meaning of "this too shall pass". You can reach the limit of what you think you can handle - physically, mentally, financially or even all three - and still keep going.  When you come out on the other side of this tough time you absolutely have to get what this experience has taught you, and change your life because of it. 

And that's why I'm finally ready to write.

Our "before" shot taken Dec '10. Sydney, Bella (4 months) me and Matthew